Week 7 - I look at my sins and change my ways
Theme of the week
In each one of us there is some evil hidden within.
We hurt love.
We wound God and each other.
I place myself before God when I look at this evil. I become aware of how God is looking at me: with friendliness, mercy and with love.
What I desire
That I dare to open up
so that I can see where I have failed to love.
That I may see
when I turn my back on God and my neighbour.
That I don’t end up becoming locked up in myself.
This week we will only listen to the music at the end of the meditation. To prepare for this time of prayer I place myself before God who is gazing at me with love.
Luke 22, 54-62
Jesus is seized and Peter denies Him
Then they seized him and led him away, bringing him into the high priest’s house. Peter followed at a distance; and when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat among them. Then a maid, seeing him as he sat in the light and gazing at him, said, “This man also was with him.” But he denied it, saying, “Woman, I do not know him.”
I use all my powers of imagination to see and hear what is happening here. Peter loves Jesus very much and that is precisely the reason why he follows Jesus when he was captured. But at a distance because he is afraid. And because he is afraid, he denies that he knows Jesus. And he does this even though he loves Jesus.
*
And a little later some one else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.” But Peter said, “Man, I am not.” And after an interval of about an hour still another insisted, saying, “Certainly this man also was with him; for he is a Galilean.” But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are saying.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the cock crowed.
Because of his fear Peter was unable to support Jesus. I look at my own life and moments when I have been unable to stay with someone: to be there for someone.
*
And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.
Jesus looked at Peter and Peter burst into tears. I try to see the gaze Jesus gave Peter. A gaze which enabled Peter to commit himself and dedicate the rest of his life, eventually without fear, to following Jesus. Only a gaze of love was able to break Peter’s heart open. Only a gaze of love can open my heart. I imagine that Jesus turns round and looks at me.
*
Music: Erbarme dich. Mattaüs passion. Johann Sebastian Bach
Erbarme dich, Mein Gott,
Um meiner Zähren willen!
Schaue hier, Herz und Auge
weint vor dir bitterlich.
Erbarme dich, erbarme dich!
Have mercy, my God,
for the sake of my tears!
Look here heart and eyes
weep bitterly before You
Have mercy, have mercy!
Spotify Link: (De link will take you to track 10 on CD 1. Scroll down to track 10 on CD 2)
https://open.spotify.com/track/6tvod9GWLfjWppCfDr7WB1?si=a8fb5fa2d7084877
YouTube Link: