Selfless - presentation
ONBAATZUCHTIG / SELFLESS
Ben Frie SJ SE: Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola
The challenge we face more and more is to develop a pedagogy, a mystagogy to enter the mystery of life in such a way that it is convincing. In that context, Ignatius suggests, when meditating, to imagine the nativity-cave, Joseph and Mary, the maid (not in Scripture) and the newborn child Jesus. "I make myself a servant, insignificant and unworthy, and I look at them, behold them and serve them where it is needed, as if I were there-" (SE 114). We make note of the difficulty we have with submission.
Yet it is there where we hit the nerve of our availability to the divine plan in our lives versus our own plans and life designs. To arrive at a good choice concerning my state of life, the exercises describe, "we shall see how we must prepare ourselves inwardly to arrive at perfection, whatever way of life or state of life God our Lord gives us to choose." (SE 135) It is a persistent echo in the exercises: "Therefore it is necessary that we make ourselves indifferent (read: inwardly free) to everything created-" (SE 23) Asked for "a big and generous heart" (SE 5) and the free thought, that happiness could well be achieved by very different routes. We can choose.
How do you arrive at a free choice? By incessantly asking yourself the question: am I free? Am I doing what should be done? (A motto of Modern Devotion) And then what do I examine? Am I formal and testing the requirements, or am I exploring my inner life to descend deeper and deeper into it? Is there silence within me? Today this question is usually answered negatively.
It is already indicated at the beginning of the exercises (SE 10): when doing these exercises, you can be "assailed and beguiled under the appearance of goodness" if you are on the path of enlightenment. The art becomes "to overcome oneself and to order one's life without allowing oneself to be led by disordered attachment." (SE 21) Humility is urged, in various degrees, until I find myself "at the point where my will and my heart SE no more for wealth than for poverty, no more for honor than for dishonor" etc. (SE 166)
One of my pitfalls turned out to be my hidden unwillingness to accept broken people in my drive for perfection. Slowly, the exercises help you understand what is happening: "I must know myself indifferent, without any disordered attachment. (...) I keep myself in the middle, like the pointer of a scale, to follow that which I feel" is more in line with God's plan for me. (SE 179) The test is Christ; but how can I be sure? How do I know that I am looking at Christ and not at myself? "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” (John 8:32). The experience of inner freedom will become the test; let us discern then, how our image of Christ must also be constantly tested.
When I see myself, I can learn to discern: who am I really (real), and who would I like to be (ideal). I can perceive my real self as my self-image, corrected by the image others give of me. My ideal self is more the set of values I pursue, the goals I want to achieve. This determines the dynamics in the human person: the pursuit of values and goals lead one to transcend each time that which one is now. In me, the attachment to my ideals versus the disordered, structureless attachment to things struggle, creating confusion and paralysis, because it distracts from what I deeply want to achieve.
In the context of what we consider here, we opt for an unpopular view of man: it is not my self-actualization that is central but transcending myself for the sake of the ideals I have set myself. The fulfilment of one's own life follows serving the ideals, e.g., pursuing love. The possibilities to do so are limited; what a person cannot consciously toleratebecomes part of the unconscious (through repression, in the extreme case closed off for good). Besides known, conscious psychic forces, there are also unconscious psychic dynamics, usually affective reactions that are not consciously perceived.
Everyone has an emotional life history (emotional history), which strongly colors and affects the consciousness and interpretation of oneself. Is a theocentric self-transcendence, a religious value orientation possible if we remain bound to ourselves by strong, almost immutable forces? This is about resilience: "resolutely confronting it", "going against it head-on" (SE 325), "exercising patience" (SE 321), "changing oneself intensely against desolation" (SE 319). It involves self-knowledge, knowledge of "our weakest side". (SE 327) We can blind ourselves to our original goals in our apostolic zeal, but we must continue to test the veracity of our endeavors, lest we lose sight of our role model: "For in this way we come to a greater balance and discipline in the way we should behave and control ourselves". (SE 214).
Seek the cause, is the Ignatian motto, and discern "that it is not in our power to generate or maintain great godliness, intense love, tears or other spiritual consolation, but that all is gift and grace from God our Lord". (SE 322). Test your findings against the experience of direct encounter with the Giver of all this and "have a conversation with Him" (SE 53).
The desire for recognition and consequent posturing are at the root of all disordered attachment and can even become the cause of spiritual desolation. Self-esteem appears to be at the heart of unconscious dynamics: they are the 'weapons of the foe: the game of self-esteem'. People's self-image often revolves around aspects that reinforce self-esteem, while aspects that can compromise self-esteem are passed on to the unconscious.
To detect unconscious distortions, Ignatius has the exercises repeatedly ask for contempt with the despised Christ and for perfect humility. That question can act as a detector of unconscious distortions, as injuries in self-esteem can reveal where the self-image is 'vain'. A willingness to be truly humble is equally valid as a test of the authenticity of a comfort experience.
Whoever wants to do the exercises must be willing to allow their feelings and thoughts to move. In the stillness of the exercises, the real felt desire can become more clearly visible, and those who practice can come to understand repressed tendencies better.
Pure discernment brings spiritual growth; if movements cannot be perceived, confusion strikes. Movements arising from disordered affectivity (attachment) can lead to disordered thoughts. However, they can also remain unconscious, leading to mistake and confusion via defense mechanisms. Any lingering frustration about this can also be repressed again. From this comes a person who clings frenetically to himself and can no longer find a way to an honest surrender to Christ.
In contrast, the skill of renouncing produces a positive tension: a clear, ordered affectivity. This leads to a different kind of person: skillful to take reality as it is, including conflicts, weaknesses and impossibilities; skillful in being dependent on others while maintaining his own independence and upholding a genuine bond of trust increasingly fused with self-transcending values, in short
SELFLESS.